Herodotus vs Thucydides: History is Born
Herodotus : Thus, 490 trillion Persians were arrayed against one shepherd, Testikles of Thrace, son of Phallos, who defeated them though armed merely with a staff because Xerxes misinterpreted the following admittedly ambiguous oracle: Turn around, you fucking idiot. You’re gonna get your ass handed to you. Yes, you , Xerxes, reading this right now ! How many times do I have to fuck with the entrails till you listen? I tied ‘em in a goddamn knot last time. Who the fuck did you hire to interpret this shit for you? Blind retards? Oy, a god could plotz from you. By the way, in Thrace they have witches who can levitate basic farming implements by rubbing frankincense into Abderan goats when the Aeolian winds blow on the fifth Sunday after a Delian wins the laurel for homoerotic wrestling at the Olympics. Or this story could be bullshit. It is not for me to say. I just present stuff, take my speaking fee, and fuck off back to my villa. Thucydides : In the fifth day of the f...
