Grendel enters house with two neighborhood cats. They’ve just murdered a tan-colored mouse, which is in a plastic grocery bag on the stoop, and are looking for a place to dismember and hide what’s left. They slink into the hallway.
GRENDEL: I know we can ram this thing in the closet, but keep quiet. I don’t want to wake up—
Lights go on.
GRENDEL: Whoops.
DONNA in a robe, putting on her nerd goggles, enters.
DONNA: Look who’s here! Look who’s here!
GRENDEL: Hi, ma.
DONNA: What are you doing? Look at this. [Points to blood on jacket.] What happened?
GRENDEL: Oh, nothing, ma. I tripped over something on the road. Kimba will tell you.
DONNA [To KIMBA.]: What happened?
KIMBA: Nothing, nothing, forget about it. [Hugs DONNA.] How are ya? How are ya?
DONNA: Oh, I haven’t seen you for so long! What happened? I never see him. [Turns to Fluffy, a white long-haired neighborhood cat.] Oh, and you, too; how are you?
FLUFFY: How are ya? [Kisses DONNA on the cheek.]
DONNA: What happened; tell me what happened.
KIMBA: Why are you up so late?
DONNA: Well, he came in; youse came in. I figured, you know…
KIMBA: You know what time it is?
DONNA: I’m so happy to see him. Look, go inside, make yourselves comfortable.
FLUFFY: No, no.
KIMBA: Go to sleep, go to sleep: we’re gonna leave. He just has to change.
DONNA: No, I haven’t seen him in so long. I wanna see him. Youse go inside.
CUT TO: Kitchen. DONNA has put cat food in dishes on the table; all eat.
GRENDEL: This stuff is great, but it’s like lead: ba-boom.
DONNA: Tell me, tell me: where have you been? I haven’t even seen you. You haven’t called or anything. Where’ve you been?
GRENDEL: Well, ma, I been workin’ nights.
DONNA: And?
GRENDEL: And, well, tonight we were out late. We took a walk around the neighborhood and I tripped over one of them mice, that’s where all the blood came from. I told ya; Kimba told ya before. [Picks up a large knife on the table.] Anyway, it reminds me, ma, I need this knife. I’m going to take this; it’s OK?
DONNA: OK. Bring it back, though, you know.
GRENDEL: The poor thing, I tripped on its…arm…whaddya call it?
DONNA: The arm. It’s an arm.
KIMBA [Knowingly.]: The paw.
GRENDEL: The paw; well, it got all tangled up, so I gotta hack it off.
DONNA [Shivers.] Eew!
GRENDEL: Ma, it’s a sin; you can’t leave it there. Well, anyway, I’ll bring it back.
KIMBA [Pointing at the food.] Delicious. Delicious.
DONNA: Thank you. [To GRENDEL.] Why don’t you get yourself a nice cat?
GRENDEL: I get a nice one almost every night, ma.
DONNA: Yeah, but get yourself a nice cat so you can settle down. That’s what I mean.
GRENDEL: I settle down almost every night, but in the morning I’m free. I love you! [Kisses DONNA.] I want to be with you!
KIMBA: Why don’t you settle down?
DONNA: How is your friend Fluffy there? Fluffy, what’s the matter? You don’t talk much.
KIMBA: Why don’t you talk a little bit? What are you being so quiet for?
DONNA: You don’t eat much; you don’t talk much.
FLUFFY: I’m just listening.
GRENDEL: What’s the matter, something wrong with you?
FLUFFY: No.
DONNA: You remind me of when we were kids: the Camparis used to visit one another and there was this man. He would never talk; he would just sit there all night and not say a word. So they say to him, “What’s the matter, Campari, don’t you talk? Don’t you say anything?” He says, “What am I gonna say? That my wife two-times me?” So she says to him, “Shut up; you’re always talking.”
All laugh.
DONNA: But in Italian, it’s much nicer.
GRENDEL: [Speaks a phrase of Italian.]
DONNA: That’s right.
KIMBA: What’s that mean?
GRENDEL: It means, he’s content to be a jerk.
KIMBA: Ah.
GRENDEL: He doesn’t care who knows it, he’s content.
DONNA: Did, uh, did Grendel ever tell you about my throw pillows?
KIMBA: No.
DONNA holds up a picture of the bedroom on her iPad so they don’t have to stop eating.
DONNA: Look at this.
On the iPad is a picture of her bed with the new winter comforter with two big white pillows bracketing a large tan teddy bear.
KIMBA: Ah, it’s beautiful!
GRENDEL: I like this one: you got one pillow going one way and the other pillow going the other.
DONNA: One is going east and the other’s going west, so what?
GRENDEL: And this guy is saying, “What do you want from me?” Look at that, with the tan fur with the pillows, it’s beautiful.
KIMBA: Looks like somebody we know. [The cats laugh.]
GRENDEL: Without the ears; no, it’s him! Holy… It’s him! Oh, my—holy! [Laughs.]
Camera moves over his shoulder to the bag on the stoop in which the mouse is coming to, weakly hitting the bag.
GRENDEL: I know we can ram this thing in the closet, but keep quiet. I don’t want to wake up—
Lights go on.
GRENDEL: Whoops.
DONNA in a robe, putting on her nerd goggles, enters.
DONNA: Look who’s here! Look who’s here!
GRENDEL: Hi, ma.
DONNA: What are you doing? Look at this. [Points to blood on jacket.] What happened?
GRENDEL: Oh, nothing, ma. I tripped over something on the road. Kimba will tell you.
DONNA [To KIMBA.]: What happened?
KIMBA: Nothing, nothing, forget about it. [Hugs DONNA.] How are ya? How are ya?
DONNA: Oh, I haven’t seen you for so long! What happened? I never see him. [Turns to Fluffy, a white long-haired neighborhood cat.] Oh, and you, too; how are you?
FLUFFY: How are ya? [Kisses DONNA on the cheek.]
DONNA: What happened; tell me what happened.
KIMBA: Why are you up so late?
DONNA: Well, he came in; youse came in. I figured, you know…
KIMBA: You know what time it is?
DONNA: I’m so happy to see him. Look, go inside, make yourselves comfortable.
FLUFFY: No, no.
KIMBA: Go to sleep, go to sleep: we’re gonna leave. He just has to change.
DONNA: No, I haven’t seen him in so long. I wanna see him. Youse go inside.
CUT TO: Kitchen. DONNA has put cat food in dishes on the table; all eat.
GRENDEL: This stuff is great, but it’s like lead: ba-boom.
DONNA: Tell me, tell me: where have you been? I haven’t even seen you. You haven’t called or anything. Where’ve you been?
GRENDEL: Well, ma, I been workin’ nights.
DONNA: And?
GRENDEL: And, well, tonight we were out late. We took a walk around the neighborhood and I tripped over one of them mice, that’s where all the blood came from. I told ya; Kimba told ya before. [Picks up a large knife on the table.] Anyway, it reminds me, ma, I need this knife. I’m going to take this; it’s OK?
DONNA: OK. Bring it back, though, you know.
GRENDEL: The poor thing, I tripped on its…arm…whaddya call it?
DONNA: The arm. It’s an arm.
KIMBA [Knowingly.]: The paw.
GRENDEL: The paw; well, it got all tangled up, so I gotta hack it off.
DONNA [Shivers.] Eew!
GRENDEL: Ma, it’s a sin; you can’t leave it there. Well, anyway, I’ll bring it back.
KIMBA [Pointing at the food.] Delicious. Delicious.
DONNA: Thank you. [To GRENDEL.] Why don’t you get yourself a nice cat?
GRENDEL: I get a nice one almost every night, ma.
DONNA: Yeah, but get yourself a nice cat so you can settle down. That’s what I mean.
GRENDEL: I settle down almost every night, but in the morning I’m free. I love you! [Kisses DONNA.] I want to be with you!
KIMBA: Why don’t you settle down?
DONNA: How is your friend Fluffy there? Fluffy, what’s the matter? You don’t talk much.
KIMBA: Why don’t you talk a little bit? What are you being so quiet for?
DONNA: You don’t eat much; you don’t talk much.
FLUFFY: I’m just listening.
GRENDEL: What’s the matter, something wrong with you?
FLUFFY: No.
DONNA: You remind me of when we were kids: the Camparis used to visit one another and there was this man. He would never talk; he would just sit there all night and not say a word. So they say to him, “What’s the matter, Campari, don’t you talk? Don’t you say anything?” He says, “What am I gonna say? That my wife two-times me?” So she says to him, “Shut up; you’re always talking.”
All laugh.
DONNA: But in Italian, it’s much nicer.
GRENDEL: [Speaks a phrase of Italian.]
DONNA: That’s right.
KIMBA: What’s that mean?
GRENDEL: It means, he’s content to be a jerk.
KIMBA: Ah.
GRENDEL: He doesn’t care who knows it, he’s content.
DONNA: Did, uh, did Grendel ever tell you about my throw pillows?
KIMBA: No.
DONNA holds up a picture of the bedroom on her iPad so they don’t have to stop eating.
DONNA: Look at this.
On the iPad is a picture of her bed with the new winter comforter with two big white pillows bracketing a large tan teddy bear.
KIMBA: Ah, it’s beautiful!
GRENDEL: I like this one: you got one pillow going one way and the other pillow going the other.
DONNA: One is going east and the other’s going west, so what?
GRENDEL: And this guy is saying, “What do you want from me?” Look at that, with the tan fur with the pillows, it’s beautiful.
KIMBA: Looks like somebody we know. [The cats laugh.]
GRENDEL: Without the ears; no, it’s him! Holy… It’s him! Oh, my—holy! [Laughs.]
Camera moves over his shoulder to the bag on the stoop in which the mouse is coming to, weakly hitting the bag.