Trump demands 6G technology in rant against American companies: 'We must be the leader in everything we do'
Sigh.
Here's my reaction:
Here's my reaction:
AMERICA is cruising along the highway in its rent-a-government. She has a cup of coffee in her hand and DONALD TRUMP in the seat beside her. Trump sits with a LARGE RED MAGA HAT between his legs.
TRUMP
Hey, thanks for picking me up, man.
Hey, thanks for picking me up, man.
AMERICA
No problem. I've been working for the same real wages going on forty years straight so I could use the company.
TRUMP
Yeah I know what you mean. I been standing in the same position in the Forbes list for the last five years. You know they made it illegal to make a profit in this country?
AMERICA
Really? That must make it really tough.
TRUMP
So what's going on with you? You a salesman?
AMERICA
Uh, no, no. I'm...I'm nothing.
TRUMP
I am.
AMERICA
Yeah?
TRUMP
I’m a salesman. I’m going to start my 2020 campaign. You want in?
AMERICA
Uh…uh…nah, I’m not—I don’t really have any, you know, money.
TRUMP
You ever hear of this thing, 5G?
AMERICA
Yeah, sure, 5G: the mobile network. Uh huh.
TRUMP
Well, this is gonna blow that outta the water. Listen to this:
[Dramatic pause.]
Six...Gee.
[Silence.]
AMERICA [Trying to be nice.]
Right, yes. [Nodding.] OK, alright. I see where you're going.
TRUMP [Increasingly frantic.]
Think about it! You walk into a phone store and you see a 5G phone sitting there and a 6G phone right beside it.
AMERICA [Increasingly nervous.]
Right, right…
TRUMP [Increasingly challenging.]
Which one you gonna pick, man?
AMERICA
I would go for the six, yeah.
TRUMP [Hostile; yelling.]
Bingo, man, bingo! 6G! And we we guarantee just as good a connection as the 5G folk.
AMERICA [Trying to placate.]
You guarantee it? How do you do that?
TRUMP [Inventing freely.]
If you’re not happy with the six g’s, we’ll send you a MAGA hat free. See, that’s it! That’s our motto! That’s where we’re coming from. That’s from A to B.
AMERICA [Placating.]
Huh. Right. That’s good.
[Pause. AMERICA just can’t resist.]
Unless of course somebody comes out with 7G. Then you’re in trouble, huh?
TRUMP stares ahead and physically flinches from the very idea, mentally punch drunk.
TRUMP [Angry; yelling.]
No! No, no—not “seven." I said, “six!” Nobody’s coming up with seven. Who can make a phone call on seven? You won’t be able to have a normal call with your lawyer about paying off some hooker!
AMERICA [Very nervous.]
Yeah, right. You’re right.
TRUMP
Six is the key number here: think about it. Six million globalists supposedly killed a ways back. Six, man!
[AMERICA shifts around nervously.]
Six illegals hanging from a branch; beatin’ lots of libruls at Michael Cohen’s ranch—you know that old Nazi tale from Germany?
[AMERICA just nods as noncommittally as possible, looking for a way out.]
It’s like you’re talking global warming when it’s clearly drill time, baby! Step into my office!
AMERICA
Why?
TRUMP
Because you’re fucking fired!
AMERICA sees BERNIE SANDERS trying to hitch a ride at a rest stop.
AMERICA [Lying.]
OK, you know what, I’m gonna pull over. I gotta take a leak.
TRUMP
Your constitution sure is making me itchy.
AMERICA [Lying.]
I’ll be back in a second.
TRUMP
I’m only waiting six minutes!