Tomorrow's Sanders Smears Today! A Public Service

Coming next week!!! — Another segment from the upcoming Hillary documentary:

One time, when I was sitting near Sanders in the Senate after lunch, he burped. Loudly. [Hand on chest, eyes blinking wetly and aimed at the ceiling.]

What kind of immoral monster would do such a thing? I’m sorry…I just need a minute. [Composes herself head in hands, peeking out from between her fingers to see if it’s working.]

Sure, he said, "Excuse me," afterwards, but, c'mon, girls, you know that move. Doesn’t every woman know that move? We all know.

It’s like trashing Warren and offering her your hand after: abusers always go for the gaslighting grope-shake, and I'm glad that persistent women like Liz are finally standing up to this vile misogynistic abuse, and despite their relative lack of power. Like when Barbara Boxer stood up to that evil chair-lifting Bernie Bro from within her Macedonian phalanx of ex-Navy SEALS who can kill with a thought.

We can't let people like Trump and Sanders and Sanders and Trump and Trumpsanders and Sanderstrump and SanTrumpders continue to destroy innocent women's lives like this! Sure, he'll Weinstein about it without any just Cosby, but the truth is something we women can C, K? Your NDAs ain’t printing on pink paper, Patriarchy!

Simple question: did Liz ask to see Bernie's rigid appendage before he thrust it at her chest? Where was the consent? He exposed his bare flesh to her—and on national television! And then expects her to grab it and grovel—to thank him for it.

Aren’t we sick of the endless abusive gaslighting, ladies? Aren’t we mad as hell at every single instance of sexism we’ve ever experienced, all of which stemmed entirely from Donnie SandTrumpers and his evil band of online misogynist flying monkeys? Don’t you value yourselves at all? I can’t believe it: you’re going to sit there and take this abuse? What has "sisterhood" come to?

Have you no shame? Are you, too, in the basket of deplorables? And I thought you wanted the unvarnished me? I just can't win.

Rest assured that there's a cold place in hell for every woman or ally who doesn't draw a line in the Sanders that cannot be trumped! We cannot let Sanders trump a century of progress for women by grinding our faces into the Sanders.

Now I'm off to GSax to get $100k for a twenty-minute talk (mostly taken up by several trailers for my new film, honestly) warning about the dangers of using totally unfounded personal smears and other forms of fake news for short-term political gain, especially since every instance of that supports the claims of the actual fascists running the country.

Plus, every time feminism or other progressive and necessary movements is so obviously weaponized that materially hurts the very people we’re purportedly interested in helping.

I mean, it's obvious: every time someone uses “Believe Women(TM)” for such patently obvious, cheap, political dirty trickery, that person is literally making it that much more difficult for women to be believed. You know, by, like, juries in, like, rape trials, and shit.

Since I’m not a selfish monster, I’d never do such a thing. I mean, there's a reason we're impeaching, right?

Eyes on the prize! Don't help the deplorables, like Bernold Sandtrump did when he trashed me by begging everyone to ignore the damn emails because he knew I could easily be the nominee and didn't want to hand a gift to the GOP. And that was before he didn't support me at all in the most sneaky of ways -- by doing forty events during the general election, which I thanked him for, in writing, because he hurt me so much. Plus, his supporters backed me at a significantly higher rate than mine did Obama.

I mean, don't be fooled by such Russian propaganda: they want you to see the opposite of the truth. The lies are everywhere.

Oh, uh, by the way, a propos of nothing, I’ll be available in mid-July. For, you know, whatever task, or perhaps crown, might be handed to me, which, as we discussed, I will pretend to reject at least once.

Love,

Hillary "Unity” Clinton, Massively Popular Feminist Champion with a Proven Track Record of Winning...so much winning...you can't take the winning....