The Person Who Wouldn’t Take “No” for an Answer

A: Would you like some strawberries?

B: No, thank you.

[Time passes.]

A: They’re really good.

B: I’m sure they are, but I don’t like strawberries.

[Time passes.]

A: I don’t think you understand how good they are, though.

B: It doesn’t matter how good they are; I don’t like strawberries, so I wouldn’t appreciate a good one.

[Time passes.]

A: You know, I spent a lot of money on these strawberries.

B: Great, so eat them. I don’t like strawberries.

[Time passes.]

A: You know, I was thinking of you when I got the strawberries; I thought, “I want to bring light into
B’s life, so I’ll take money out of my own children’s mouths—their very mouths, mind you—so that I might bring just a tiny ray of joy into B’s life.”

B: I appreciate that, but I don’t like strawberries.

[Time passes.]

A: I cannot believe how insensitive and cruel you are. [The tears come.] It’s a tiny little fruit, and despite all I’ve done for you, starting with thinking about you when I bought the strawberries, and you sit there on your high horse and refuse to take just one little strawberry. What kind of Nazi scum are you? I can’t live anymore! [Pulls out knife, puts to throat, waits expectantly.]

B: Oh, for fuck’s sake—fine, give me one. [Eats it; lies.] Yeah, not too bad.

A: [Blasé.] Oh, you like it? I didn’t think they were all that great. You know, I wanted to talk to you about how you need to grow a spine, but that’s a discussion for another time.

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