INT. 37 ROSE HILL DRIVE - A LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Painted walls, nicely decorated, and a couch and lounge chair. DONNA and GRENDEL are playing with a mouse. GRENDEL has had some catnip and is a little hungry. DOUG, a 47-year-old slave, is waiting on the OWNERS, bringing them food. GRENDEL is feeling expansive. He rolls on his back TO REVEAL his belly.
GRENDEL (Impatiently.)
Hey, Doug! On your way over here, bring me my dinner, will ya?
WE SEE DOUG deliver dinner to DONNA and slowly back toward the kitchen.
GRENDEL
What am I, a mirage?
DOUG
What?
GRENDEL
"What?" Where's my fucking dinner? I asked you for my dinner.
DOUG
You wanted your dinner?
GRENDEL
I just asked you for my fucking dinner.
DOUG
No, I thought—I thought you said you were alright, Doug.
GRENDEL
Nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-no, nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-no. What, you got me on the fucking pay-no-mind list, kid?
DOUG
No! I heard—
GRENDEL
You little fucking prick.
DOUG
No, I thought I heard someone say something—"Doug, Doug"—
GRENDEL
"Doug, Doug?" You know, you're a fucking mumbling, stuttering little fuck, you know that?
DOUG
No, I thought you said, I was alright, Doug.
GRENDEL
No, you ain't alright, Doug, you got a lot of fucking problems.
DOUG
No, I thought you said, you were alright, Doug.
GRENDEL
I am alright! You ain't alright, you little fuckin' prick!
DOUG
No, I thought—I thought—I—
GRENDEL (mocking)
"I duh, I duh..." (DONNA laughs.) You been doing this to me all fucking week, you motherfucker!
DOUG
You want your dinner now? I'll bring it to you.
GRENDEL
Yeah, get me my fucking dinner! Move it, you little prick! You walk like fucking Steppin' Fetchit. (DONNA laughs.) For Donna, you fucking run. Run for me, you prick—dance! Dance the fucking meal back here, the little prick.
(To DONNA)
Hey, what's that movie that Bogart made?
DONNA
Which one?
GRENDEL
The one where he played a cowboy; he only did one.
DONNA
"Shane"?
GRENDEL
“Shane”???
DONNA
"The Oklahoma Kid?"
GRENDEL
"The Oklahoma Kid!" That's me! I'm the Oklahoma Kid! (Takes out claws; to DOUG, carrying in his dinner.) You fuckin' varmint!
DONNA
Woah! Put that away!
GRENDEL (Waving his claws around threateningly. DONNA ducks.)
Yahoo, you motherfucker! Come on, you little prick!
(GRENDEL swipes hard at DOUG'S bare foot and gouges him. DOUG drops the food and falls to the floor clutching his foot.)
GRENDEL
Yeah, dance, you little prick. Now he's movin'!
DONNA goes over to DOUG; looks at his foot.
DONNA
You gashed him in the foot, Grendel!
GRENDEL
OK, so he got gashed in the foot. So, what is it, a big fucking thing?
DONNA
Nice fucking night. Nice fucking night.
GRENDEL
Take him to Kent County, the little prick. Walk—let him crawl there like he crawls for the fucking food.
DONNA (to DOUG)
I'll take you down to the doctor's, down the street.
GRENDEL
Fucking prick.
DOUG (Shaky.)
It's...like...the skin is all shattered!
GRENDEL
Don't get me upset now! Don't make a big fucking thing out of this, Doug, you little prick. He's trying to make me think what the fuck I did here. It was an accident; fuck him. Little fucking actor. Little prick.
EXT. 37 ROSE HILL DRIVE - EVENING - BEDROOM WINDOW
DOUG (Offscreen.)
I've been limping for two weeks. He's not gonna eat tonight!
WE SEE a can of cat food come flying out the window. TILT DOWN to can.
CUT TO: BEDROOM
DONNA is furious. She pushes past DOUG and looks out window
DONNA
Hey, Doug, will you grow up? Stop! He's still gonna be fed!
DOUG
Not without his cat food, he's not.
DONNA
Are you nuts? Are you fucking nuts? What's your problem?
DOUG
Yes, I'm nuts. He's already been fed.
DONNA (Exasperated, guilty, unable to look DOUG in the eye.)
Stop with that, already.
DOUG
No!
DONNA
Enough! Stop with that.
DOUG (Shrieking, in tears.)
No! I'm telling you, I look in your face and I know that you're lying!
WE SEE DONNA pick up a large bag of catnip and throw it at DOUG. She misses.
DOUG
Get out!
DONNA
Shut up!
DOUG
Get out! Get out of my life!
DONNA
You're fucked up in the head, Doug. This is all in your mind.
DOUG
You're a lousy bitch.
DONNA
You got a problem.
DOUG
Go ahead, go to your ready-made strays! That's all you're good for! Get out of my life! I can't stand you!
WE SEE DOUG rip open DONNA's closet looking for hidden catfood as GRENDEL looks on.
INT. 37 ROSE HILL DRIVE - A LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
ANGLE ON DOUG
With bandaged foot, limping in, carrying DONNA's dinner and TILT UP TO him.
GRENDEL is rolling in catnip and already hungry.
DOUG
Here you go.
DONNA (Very nicely.)
Thank you, Doug!
GRENDEL
Hey, Doug, that bandage on your foot is bigger than your fucking head, you know that? Next thing you know he's going to be coming in with one of these fucking walkers. (DONNA laughs; DOUG steams, and retreats slowly to the kitchen.) Even though you got that, you can dance, huh? Give us a little—give us a couple of fuckin' steps here, Doug, you fuckin' bullshitter, you. Tell the truth, you're looking for sympathy. Is that it sweetie?
DOUG
Why don't you go fuck yourself, Grendel?
(Hushed silence.)
DONNA
Oooooooh! Woah! (Starts laughing.) I didn't fucking hear right. I couldn't believe what I just heard. Hey, Doug, here. (DONNA slaps a hundred dollar bill on the coffee table.) Here, this is for you. Attaboy! (To GRENDEL) I got respect for this kid; he's got a lot of fucking balls. (To DOUG.) Good for you! Don't take no shit off nobody! (To GRENDEL, who is furious.) Can you believe this? You gouge him in the foot; he tells you to go fuck yourself. (Teasing.) Grendel, you gonna let him get away with that? You gonna let this fucking punk get away with that? What's the matter? (Addresses the ceiling.) What's the world coming to?
GRENDEL launches himself at DOUG in a blind fury and gouges him bloody. DOUG drops like a sack.
GRENDEL
That's what the fucking world is coming to; how do you like that? How's that? Alright?
DONNA
What the fuck is the matter with you?
GRENDEL
That's what the fucking world is coming to.
DONNA
What the fuck is the matter with you?!? What are you, stupid or what?
GRENDEL
What?
DONNA
Grendel, Grendel, I'm kidding with you. What the hell are you doing? What are you, a sick maniac?
GRENDEL (Somewhat contrite.)
How do I know if you're kidding? What do you mean, you're kidding? You're breaking my fucking balls!
DONNA
I'm fucking kidding with you! You fucking attack the guy? (DONNA looks over at DOUG, who hasn't moved. Pause.) He's dead.
GRENDEL (Shrugs.)
I can jump far; what do you want from me? I can jump far.
DONNA
Who couldn't jump this distance?
GRENDEL
What, you got a problem with what I did, Donna?
DONNA
No.
GRENDEL
Fucking rat, anyway. His whole family are rats. He would have grown up to be a rat.
DONNA
You stupid bastard, I can't fucking believe you. Now you're gonna dig your crap out of the litter box. You're gonna clean the box. I got no fucking time: you’re gonna do it.
GRENDEL
Who cares? I'll clean the fucking box. I don't give a fuck. What is it, first box I cleaned? Not the first time I cleaned a box; I'll clean the fucking box. Uh, where is the scooper?